I Was Only 6

* TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL, PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE*

As the weeks went by & my cousin & I played our game. He started to get more physical with me. He started asking me to take every single piece of clothing off just like him so we could “match”, that would make it more fun. It was supposed to be fun.

I continued to “ride the horsey” 2 days a week for a year.

I remember the first time I bled.

We were playing the horse game & I was on top. Suddenly he pushed me to the bed, grabbed me by my shoulders & did his very best to insert himself inside of me. I told him to stop because it hurt.  I didn’t know what was going on, but what I said didn’t matter. I was only 6. He told me to shut my mouth each time I spoke. He used spit and forced himself inside of me until he was satisfied.

I was only 6.

The first time it happened I remembered feeling betrayed. I felt betrayed by my mom & my dad. I felt betrayed by everyone in my life.

This game went on for 2 years. Two days a week I needed a babysitter. My cousin told me to never say anything because no one would ever believe me. I remember him hitting me just hard enough where it wouldn’t leave a bruise whenever I complained.. I was only 6. I remember him fucking me so hard that I bled and cried and begged him to please stop.I was only 6. He would tell me to shut my mouth because no one would ever believe a 6 year old over him & none of my parents were around anyway. I believed it all. I stayed silent. He took complete power over me at 6 years old. I did everything he asked of me because I was so scared of no one believing me. I did everything.

I took it all. I remember him inserting himself in my mouth every time. I was only 6. It did not matter how many times I asked him to stop. It’s like every time I asked him to stop it would motivate him to fuck me harder and hit me harder.

I WAS ONLY 6.

This kept going for about a year. Finally,  my mother decided it was time for her daughter to be with her. She decided to pay a “coyote” to bring me over to the US & be with her. I was so happy to be leaving the hell on earth I was living. Little did I know, my nightmare was just beginning.